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Most adults have exactly two places in their life: work and home.

That's it. Two spaces. Two sets of expectations. Two masks to wear.

And we wonder why we're exhausted.

My Third Space Awakening

Last weekend, something unexpected happened. I hosted a retreat for 42 founders in Lonavala, and somewhere between the late-night conversations and early morning chai, I realized we'd accidentally created something I'd been missing for years.

A third space.

Not just a physical location, but a psychological sanctuary where nobody expected anything from anyone. Where we could drop our masks and just... be.

The relief was palpable.

People laughed.. really laughed.. for the first time in months.

Grown adults acted silly without apology. Successful founders admitted their fears without judgment.

And that's when it hit me:

We're not exhausted because we're doing too much. We're exhausted because we're existing in too few spaces.

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The Two-Space Trap

Think about your typical week. Where do you spend your time?

Space 1: Work

• Performance mode: ON

• Professional mask: SECURED

• Relationships: TRANSACTIONAL

• Question: "How can I add value?"

Space 2: Home

• Family obligations: ACTIVE

• Domestic duties: ENDLESS

• Recovery mode: ATTEMPTED

• Question: "What needs to be done?"

We ping-pong between these two spaces like exhausted tennis balls, each demanding a different version of us. Work-You and Home-You. That's it. That's all the You's you get to be.

Is it any wonder we feel trapped?

What Exactly Is a Third Space?

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg coined the term "third place" in the 1980s. He was lamenting the loss of local pubs, barbershops, and town squares—those informal gathering spots that weren't work or home.

But in 2025, it's about more than just physical locations. It's about psychological freedom.

A true third space has:

• No economic transaction (unlike your office)

• No obligation (unlike family dinners)

• No performance metrics (you can't "optimize" hanging out)

• No predetermined role (you're not "the boss" or "the parent")

• No agenda (beyond human connection)

It's Switzerland for your soul—neutral territory where you can explore who you are beyond your job title and family role.

The Great Disappearance

So what happened to our third spaces?

We optimized them out of existence.

• Commute times increased, killing those spontaneous stops at the local coffee shop

• Work-from-home blurred boundaries until everything became "home office"

• Every minute became "productive time" to be maximized

• Social media promised connection but delivered performance

• Economic pressure turned every gathering into a networking opportunity

We traded our third spaces for efficiency. And now we're efficiently miserable.

The Cognitive Cost of Two Spaces

Here's what neuroscience tells us: Every time you switch contexts, your brain burns glucose. Every role requires its own mental model, its own set of behaviors, its own emotional regulation.

When you only have two contexts, you're not just switching between them—you're overloading them.

• Work becomes where you process everything professional AND personal

• Home becomes where you recover from work AND manage domestic life

• There's nowhere to just... process being human

The result? Decision fatigue. Emotional exhaustion. That constant feeling of being "on" even when you're technically off.

Why Third Spaces Matter (The Research)

Studies on third spaces reveal surprising benefits:

• 50% reduction in reported stress when people have regular third space access

• Increased creativity from exposure to diverse, low-stakes interactions

• Better problem-solving when challenges can be discussed outside work/home contexts

• Stronger sense of identity beyond professional and family roles

• Improved mental health from reduced role-switching cognitive load

But here's the kicker: Third spaces don't drain your battery—they charge it. They're not another obligation; they're a liberation from obligation.

Identifying Your Third Space

A third space could be:

• That coffee shop where you're a regular (but never open your laptop)

• A hobby group where nobody knows your job title

• An online community centered on shared interests, not professional development

• A walking group where conversation is optional

• A book club where wine matters more than literary analysis

• A maker space where "failure" is just called "learning"

It's NOT:

• Your LinkedIn networking happy hour

• Your kids' school where you're forever "Aiden's mom"

• Your gym where you track every metric

• Your productivity co-working space

• Any place where you're trying to "level up"

The Third Space Paradox

Here's what's strange:

We have more spaces than ever—physical, digital, virtual, augmented. Yet we have fewer psychological spaces. We're connected to everyone but free to be ourselves with no one.

Your Instagram is curated.

Your LinkedIn is professional.

Your Facebook is family-friendly.

Where's the space where you can be wonderfully, imperfectly, authentically you?

Creating Your Third Space

You don't need to host a 42-person retreat (though I highly recommend it). You just need one hour this week. One hour where you:

• Don't check work messages

• Don't run family errands

• Don't try to improve yourself

• Don't network or build your brand

• Don't optimize anything

Just exist in a space—physical or virtual—with other humans who expect nothing from you except your presence.

The Challenge

This week, find or create one third space hour.

Some ideas:

• Visit the same coffee shop at the same time three days in a row

• Join an online community call about something you enjoy (not for work)

• Attend a local meetup with zero networking intent

• Start a walking group with one simple rule: no work talk

• Find a hobby group where being bad at the hobby is perfectly fine

The only requirement? No agenda beyond being human together.

Questions for Reflection

Before you rush off to optimize your third space search (see what I did there?), sit with these questions:

1. What percentage of your week exists outside work/home contexts?

2. Where do you go when you need to just think?

3. When did you last have a conversation with no purpose?

4. Who knows you outside of your roles?

5. What would your ideal third space feel like?

The Path Forward

We've engineered our lives for maximum efficiency, shuttling between work and home like productivity machines. Every minute accounted for. Every interaction purposeful. Every space optimized.

But humans aren't meant to be efficient. We're meant to be whole.

And wholeness requires space—a third space—to discover who we are beyond our job descriptions and family roles. A space where we can be unproductive, unimpressive, and utterly ourselves.

The exhaustion you feel? It might not be from doing too much. It might be from being too few versions of yourself.

So this week, give yourself permission to find that third space. That neutral zone. That psychological Switzerland where you can just be.

Your two-space self will thank you.

That’s it for this week.

See you next week.

Thanks,

Ayush and Aditi

P.S. Next week, I'll explore why these third spaces are essential for something we've forgotten how to do: make actual friends as adults. Spoiler alert: When everyone you know is either a colleague or a family member, genuine friendship becomes nearly impossible.

P.P.S. If you're curious about how 42 strangers accidentally created the ultimate third space in just 3 days, [you can read the full story here]. Fair warning: it involves calling ourselves cockroaches and laughing until our stomachs hurt.